Guilt

IMG_3802text

Hello everybody!

I hope you guys are well.

I want to talk about guilt.  Nowadays, I feel guilty pretty much about anything.  Yesterday, I felt guilty because my daughter wasn’t feeling well and I was trying my best to make her better.  Plus, she was missing school.  Now today, she’s still missing school.   We didn’t make it.  There’s a snowstorm outside and I was determined to take her to school because she woke up feeling better.  I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my youngest with my friend downstairs.  We made it halfway to the school before my daughter tripped and fell, body forward, on wet snow.  I was even holding her hand at the time, but she still fell over and her pants and coat got completely drenched.  I couldn’t take her to school and leave her like that.  I would be at home feeling guilty as heck because her pants were soaking wet and who knows how long it would have taken to dry.  We had to turn around and go back home and once we did, with time ticking away making us late for school and my friend not being able to stay longer with my youngest, I made the decision to stay home.

Guilt.

It squats in my mind and travels down and pangs at my heart repeatedly.  I try to brush it off.  I tell myself, “It happens to a lot of people.  It’s not the end of the world.”   But even if I let it go, it only last for mere seconds and then I’m right back to feeling guilty.  So I try to figure out why the guilt?  Well, in this instance, it’s because other kids made it to school, in the snowstorm.  Other parents were able to take their children, in the snowstorm.  I failed.  That’s how I feel at the moment.  I can definitely wallow in it, but I really don’t want to so instead I go online and print out several worksheets for my daughter to work on at home.  We also read books and we practice her sight words.  It’s the least that I can do and I always include these worksheets in her folder so her teacher can see them.  This makes me feel better, but the guilt is always going to be there.  It’s part of being a mom.  I don’t particularly like it and I wish that I could just switch it off in my brain, but it’s just not who I am.  I wish things could fall into place perfectly.  Wishful thinking, I know, but then maybe guilt wouldn’t seep in.  Or does guilt serve a purpose?  I don’t know.  I just want the best for my daughter and I don’t want to fail her.  It is my responsibility to take good care of her and make sure that she’s in school learning.  I don’t want to mess her future up so since I can’t do away with guilt completely, I can at least try to give it all I’ve got and when things just don’t work out, find ways to calm the guilt down and know in my heart that it’s ok.

It’s really ok.

Take good care all.

Until next time…

When will it end?

38743-tissue-box

Hello everybody.  I hope you guys are well.

I currently have two cute, snot faces at home.

Here we go again, and again, and yup, again.  My oldest is miserable because she’s missing school and her nose and upper lip are red and swollen from blowing and wiping away boogers.  Fun times!  When will this insanity end?  We’ve been sick before, but this is ridiculous.  We’ve even been to the pediatrician twice!  I’m giving medicine every four hours, applying Vick’s vapor rub, going through numerous tissue boxes, and the current phrase being declared in the house every ten minutes is, “I have boogies!”

I’m also very conflicted with the fact that I’m keeping her home from school.  I hate that she’s missing her lessons, but at the same time I don’t want her to be miserable and spreading germs in her class.  She knows how to fully blow and wipe her nose, but as soon as she steps into school she starts doing things differently like blowing softy into the tissue and constantly wiping at her nose, hence why when I went to pick her up yesterday (mind you she didn’t leave the house with a runny nose in the morning and I was shocked to see how she looked in the afternoon) her nose and upper lip were RAW.  Today, she woke up the same way and I thought it best to let her clear out as much boogies as she can at home.  It’s amazing how much keeps coming out and I can’t see the light at the end of the snot tunnel.  How much can there be left?

My youngest is faring better.   She doesn’t let a stuffed up or runny nose stop her from playing, torturing her sister, ignoring my demands to stop making a mess, or sleeping.  She’s currently walking around the house with her magnifying glass telling me that she’s looking for dinosaur footprints.  I just want to scoop her up and give her a thousand kisses, but I don’t want to get sick again, or in my case, again!!

Here’s hoping that I can QUIT writing about us being sick (please!) and banish all yucky snot away from my household.

Take good care all.

Until next time…