Every night before I said goodbye,
I would whisper in your ear, “Fight, please fight.”
As strongly as I could convey, I said,
“Don’t give up, you have to stay!” I knew in
my heart that you needed time to heal, but
impatience was all everyone could feel.
We were speechless, confused souls roaming the
hospital halls. Aching for the madness
to end and just pretend this wasn’t real,
but reality came crashing down hard
when you were given 24 hours
to live. All resources were put to use.
Top meds, machines, prayers, thoughts, and even
a small tape recorder with little grand-
voices singing songs. We pressed play and your
heart rate went up. Tears streamed down your face and
the nurse said, “Please, turn it off.” No matter
how small of a reaction you gave us,
seeing is believing and it meant the
world. It meant that you were there and all you
needed was time. Time to heal and time to
come back to us.
– Angelica Mercado
I hope you guys are well.
I’ve been writing this poem in my head for a while now. Every time I see my mom, I see a strong and brave woman. I try to forget the pain that we all went through after almost losing her two years ago, but it’s really hard because I’ve never felt such raw, scary emotions before (she was given 24 hours to live at one point). It was something shocking and definitely confusing. I don’t ever want to feel that way again (fingers firmly crossed and I know I’m a bit delusional). Some family members at that time were already saying their goodbyes in their heads. The question, “Where do you want her buried?” was even spoken, quietly, but it was still asked. I answered that question even though I didn’t want to. I just wanted to know at what specific time my mother’s 24 hours began because that’s all she needed, TIME. I wasn’t going to prepare myself to say goodbye. That was the farthest thing in my head. She wasn’t going to leave us or even her grandkids. No way! I knew she needed time. In my opinion, time is needed for the medicine and the medical devices to do their jobs, but because she was on so many meds, “the best of the best”, according to the chief of the hospital, immediate results were expected. Screw that! Time is essential, plain and simple. A few days later, I received a wonderful phone call from my sister who walked into my mother’s room and saw a marvelous sight. My mom, propped up in her bed as alert as can be with her eyes beautifully opened. That was the beginning of her journey to recovery. With time, she was able to leave the hospital and enter a short-term rehabilitation center. With much needed therapy, and yes, more time, my mom was able to leave the rehab and go back to her home. Home sweet home where she’s the most happiest and back with us.
Take good care all.
Until next time…