Comfort Cross

Hello everybody!

I hope you guys are well.

Have you ever given a gift that turned out to be the perfect gift at that particular moment?  I experienced that with my mom when she was in recovery at the hospital after falling ill two years ago.  I will never forget the sheer happiness and comfort that washed over her face when I presented her with a comfort cross.  My mom is a religious person and at that time in the hospital, she was struggling with her injuries, both physically and mentally.  I’m always searching online for unique gifts that still have a connection to the person that I’m pairing it up with.  I also receive a couple of catalogs, which is where I found the comfort cross.  I knew instantly that my mom was going to love this item.  I was banking more on the comfort part of its name because that’s what I wanted more than anything for my mom.

comfort cross

Image from catalogfavorites.com

http://www.catalogfavorites.com/itemdy00.aspx?T1=V10350&ref=us

When I walked into my mother’s room in the hospital, she was taking a nap.  Her face was scrunched up as if she wasn’t having a good rest.  I was chatting with my dad and my aunt who were in the room as well when she finally woke up.  I hugged, kissed and teased her that I had a special gift just for her.  When I showed her the cross she immediately grabbed it just like the image above and brought it close to her heart.  The smile that came across her face stayed there as she closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.  Her face wasn’t scrunched up anymore.  She looked, well, comforted!  If you go online there are many versions of this cross.  I’m very happy to have found this item and even happier that I was able to give it to my mom because she means the world to me and I’m so thankful that she’s st.

Take good care all.

Until next time…

Time

Time

Every night before I said goodbye,

I would whisper in your ear, “Fight, please fight.”

As strongly as I could convey, I said,

“Don’t give up, you have to stay!”  I knew in

my heart that you needed time to heal, but

impatience was all everyone could feel.

We were speechless, confused souls roaming the

hospital halls.  Aching for the madness

to end and just pretend this wasn’t real,

but reality came crashing down hard

when you were given 24 hours

to live.  All resources were put to use.

Top meds, machines, prayers, thoughts, and even

a small tape recorder with little grand-

voices singing songs.  We pressed play and your

heart rate went up.  Tears streamed down your face and

the nurse said, “Please, turn it off.”  No matter

how small of a reaction you gave us,

seeing is believing and it meant the

world.  It meant that you were there and all you

needed was time.  Time to heal and time to

come back to us.

– Angelica Mercado

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Hello everybody!

I hope you guys are well.

I’ve been writing this poem in my head for a while now.  Every time I see my mom, I see a strong and brave woman.  I try to forget the pain that we all went through after almost losing her two years ago, but it’s really hard because I’ve never felt such raw, scary emotions before (she was given 24 hours to live at one point).  It was something shocking and definitely confusing.  I don’t ever want to feel that way again (fingers firmly crossed and I know I’m a bit delusional).  Some family members at that time were already saying their goodbyes in their heads.  The question, “Where do you want her buried?” was even spoken, quietly, but it was still asked.  I answered that question even though I didn’t want to.  I just wanted to know at what specific time my mother’s 24 hours began because that’s all she needed, TIME.  I wasn’t going to prepare myself to say goodbye.  That was the farthest thing in my head.  She wasn’t going to leave us or even her grandkids.  No way!  I knew she needed time.  In my opinion, time is needed for the medicine and the medical devices to do their jobs, but because she was on so many meds, “the best of the best”, according to the chief of the hospital, immediate results were expected.  Screw that!  Time is essential, plain and simple.  A few days later, I received a wonderful phone call from my sister who walked into my mother’s room and saw a marvelous sight.  My mom, propped up in her bed as alert as can be with her eyes beautifully opened.  That was the beginning of her journey to recovery.  With time, she was able to leave the hospital and enter a short-term rehabilitation center.  With much needed therapy, and yes, more time, my mom was able to leave the rehab and go back to her home.  Home sweet home where she’s the most happiest and back with us.

Take good care all.

Until next time…

Spring is finally here…but I’m not ready to venture out!

Hello everybody!  I hope you guys are well.

Spring finally made an appearance yesterday, but in my opinion, it felt more like Summer.  It was hot.  I don’t like hot and my body and mind are not ready for this weather.  At least not yet.  My husband made a comment the other day that we don’t get to experience days that stay in the 60’s or 70’s weather wise.  No, it goes from 35 degrees one day to 80 degrees the next.  What the freak?  I haven’t even started packing away the winter clothes and looking for the summer ones.

It takes me awhile to adjust to the warmer weather because I’m an introvert, but my children prefer to be outside so I start negotiating with myself.  Take them outside for a little while because it’s nice.  At least 45 minutes, that’s not too bad.  You can handle that.  Repeat a couple of more times throughout the week until you’re ready to venture out more.  This is how my mind works.  This is how I convince myself to go outside, even though every fiber in my body wants to stay indoors, but I do it for my daughters because they do need some fresh air, sun, and outside playtime fun/exercise.  And I guess I need some of that as well, but don’t quote me, please.

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Speeding down the block

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Scooting and three wheeling

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Water station

As parents we sacrifice a lot and going outside your comfort zone may not seem like a big sacrifice (or deal) to some people, but it is to me.  I’m working on myself and trying to evolve for my little family.  I have a lot of quirks a.k.a. fears that I’m trying to conquer little by little, at my own pace, and I know it can be frustrating to some of my family members and friends, but in the famous words of Popeye (remember him?) “I yam what I yam.”

Please take it and don’t leave it.

Take good care all.

Until next time…

Guilt

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Hello everybody!

I hope you guys are well.

I want to talk about guilt.  Nowadays, I feel guilty pretty much about anything.  Yesterday, I felt guilty because my daughter wasn’t feeling well and I was trying my best to make her better.  Plus, she was missing school.  Now today, she’s still missing school.   We didn’t make it.  There’s a snowstorm outside and I was determined to take her to school because she woke up feeling better.  I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my youngest with my friend downstairs.  We made it halfway to the school before my daughter tripped and fell, body forward, on wet snow.  I was even holding her hand at the time, but she still fell over and her pants and coat got completely drenched.  I couldn’t take her to school and leave her like that.  I would be at home feeling guilty as heck because her pants were soaking wet and who knows how long it would have taken to dry.  We had to turn around and go back home and once we did, with time ticking away making us late for school and my friend not being able to stay longer with my youngest, I made the decision to stay home.

Guilt.

It squats in my mind and travels down and pangs at my heart repeatedly.  I try to brush it off.  I tell myself, “It happens to a lot of people.  It’s not the end of the world.”   But even if I let it go, it only last for mere seconds and then I’m right back to feeling guilty.  So I try to figure out why the guilt?  Well, in this instance, it’s because other kids made it to school, in the snowstorm.  Other parents were able to take their children, in the snowstorm.  I failed.  That’s how I feel at the moment.  I can definitely wallow in it, but I really don’t want to so instead I go online and print out several worksheets for my daughter to work on at home.  We also read books and we practice her sight words.  It’s the least that I can do and I always include these worksheets in her folder so her teacher can see them.  This makes me feel better, but the guilt is always going to be there.  It’s part of being a mom.  I don’t particularly like it and I wish that I could just switch it off in my brain, but it’s just not who I am.  I wish things could fall into place perfectly.  Wishful thinking, I know, but then maybe guilt wouldn’t seep in.  Or does guilt serve a purpose?  I don’t know.  I just want the best for my daughter and I don’t want to fail her.  It is my responsibility to take good care of her and make sure that she’s in school learning.  I don’t want to mess her future up so since I can’t do away with guilt completely, I can at least try to give it all I’ve got and when things just don’t work out, find ways to calm the guilt down and know in my heart that it’s ok.

It’s really ok.

Take good care all.

Until next time…